Social Consientisation
Youth and Sin!
By Gerard Louis
Director,Career sense@ HELP, Faculty of Behavioural Science, Kuala Lumpur
“Sex, drugs, entertainment, fun, money, trendy, boredom, vulgar, violent, freedom, extreme...” These are words commonly associated with the lifestyle of young people today. In moral and religious circles, many of these words are often linked with the concept of sin. It therefore seems easy enough for many to think of our young people today as morally corrupt, promiscuous, narcissistic or just plain sinful.
Interestingly, the Greek philosopher Socrates (died 399 B.C.) also made a similar observation of the youth of his time: “Our youth now love luxury, they have bad manners and contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and chatter in places of worship. Children are now tyrants, not servants of their household, They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers”
It seems that little has changed in over two thousand years. How come? A psychological and sociological look at youth and society today might provide some answers.
Prominent psychologist Erik Erikson, explained that a person's personality depended on one's ability to deal with crisis or turning points in one's life. These turning points exist right through life and it involves maintaining a balance between ourselves and our social world. There are specific tasks that need to be mastered at these different points or stages of our lives. Failure to master the tasks, results in adjustment problems in later in life.
The period of adolescence (roughly from 12 to 18 years) is a major turning point in a person's life. The task to be mastered here is one of “identity”, defining who we are, incorporating the many changes taking place within – physically, mentally, and sexually. It's a period of tremendous stress. One day I am a child, the next day that childhood is left behind. It's exciting yet frightening. These changes gives a young person the sense that he or she is now ready to take on the adult world, doing things that previously, only adults were allowed to do e.g. drive a car, smoke, make out with the opposite sex etc. Yet, in no uncertain terms, the young person is made aware by the adults in his or her world that he is not yet ready for these experiences. He or she is caught in between worlds. The words of the song from a teen icon, Britney Spears, captures this sense of the identity crisis, “I'm not a girl, not yet a woman”. Who am I then? The experimentation, the rebellious behavior, the longing for freedom, the change in dressing, etc. are all symptoms of a person struggling to have a better sense of himself or herself. Failure to master the task of defining himself or herself leads to even greater confusion to who he or she really is.
It doesn't stop here. The next phase of youth brings the person to young adulthood (late teens to early thirties). Here, another set of tasks need to be mastered, namely “intimacy”. Family ties are loosened. Individuals here need to form close and satisfying relationships with friends of both sexes. Marriage, family, starting a career are the main concerns of this period. Failure to establish intimacy leads to a deep sense of isolation or loneliness. In today's world, what are these expressions of intimacy? How do young people get to know each other? Dating? Clubbing? What do they do when they go out? There are deep concerns about financial stability and the need therefore to establish a career first before marriage and family but the raging hormones have already kicked in years before. The need for intimacy and close relationships is so strong but the challenges of today's high cost of living says that has to wait. What do they do? How long are they expected to remain chaste?
It seems all too simple to label our young as sinful because they engage in a lifestyle that seems materialistic, promiscuous and irreligious. Other than the natural forces of our personality development, what are those other internal and external forces that drive a young person to such actions?
A study by Caputo (1997), examining the relative effects of parent religiosity, family processes and peer influences on adolescent behavior found that adolescents with authoritarian parents had higher levels of delinquency and worse mental health compared to those with permissive parents. Adolescents with uninvolved parents completed few years of schooling and adolescents growing up in homes characterised by a lack of warmth, understanding, and emotional bonds were more prone to antisocial behavior throughout their youth and sometimes into adulthood. Interestingly, parental religiosity backed-up by positive modeling, as well as healthy family interactions, was positively associated with good health and higher levels of education and minimal instances of substance abuse . Question: Are the sins of our youth very much tied-up to the types of families they come from?
Steen, Kachorek and Peterson (2003) interviewed 459 students from 20 different high-schools in Michigan on the subject of character strength & values. They found that there was a great deal of interest in discussing these values. These young people were especially drawn to positive traits of leadership, practical intelligence, wisdom, social intelligence, love of learning, spirituality, and the capacity to love and be loved. They believed that these strengths were largely acquired rather than inborn. When they were asked to name individuals who exemplified the various strengths, they were more likely to name biblical figures or civil rights leaders from the 60s rather than from contemporary society. When asked about their tendency to name individuals from past decades or centuries, they simply expressed cynicism about what is valued in today's society. A male student observed: “We don't see many people today who are wise or honest because these sorts of things aren't valued as much in our society.” Another female student said: “I just don't think there are that many great leaders today. I mean, look at our presidents. They're supposed to be these great leaders and half of the world doesn't even like them.”
These results seem to suggest that if our young are so into sinful practices, it is simply because there are so few adults who model exemplary behavior for them. They are attracted to good. This must be emphasized. The Papal Encyclical by Paul VI (1975), Evangelii Nuntiandi highlights this: “It is often said nowadays that the present century thirsts for authenticity. Especially in regard to young people it is said that they have a horror of the artificial or false and that they are searching above all for truth and honesty.” (v.76). In the process of change towards adulthood, when they look for authentic models, what do they get? Is there a critical mass of parents, teachers, administrators, community leaders, political leaders who model values that they admire? Are there adults among us whom they want to follow because of their “wisdom and honesty”? If they believe that these traits are learned, have we taught them well by the shining examples of our own lives? Put another way: “Modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than to teachers, and if he does listen to teachers, it is because they are witnesses.” (Evangelii Nuntiandi, v.67)
Seeds of Change
Managing a child's transition from childhood through adolescence to adulthood requires effective adult care and guidance. To provide this level of care, the following parenting strategies might prove useful.
1. Find a way for working parents to spend quality time with their children. Some cardinal rules of quality time
No criticism/condemnation/reprimands/judgments . The idea is to build relationship, to want to make our children look forward to spending time with us and not have them become defensive from the kinds of comments we make about their lack of success in school, their kinds of friendship, the way they dress, etc.
It needs to be effortful . Watching TV together is not effortful. Going out for a walk, playing a game together is.
It must be mutually enjoyable . Dragging our children to the opera or some function we think will benefit them or them insisting we go to a heavy metal rock concert may not be mutually fun for us or them.
It needs to be consistently done. Even if it's an hour each day or every other day, connecting with them regularly keeps us involved in their lives.
Practice the faith as authentically as possible . This involves some of the following:
Regular church attendance and family prayer.
Studies have shown that these practices reduce the risk of juvenile drug, alcohol and tobacco use and delinquency (Johnson, 2002; Wallace & Williams, 1997). There are also studies that show an inverse relationship between religiosity and youth having had sex, number of sexual partners, recentness of sexual intercourse and teenage pregnancy (Lundberg & Plotnick, 1995; Whitehead, Wilcox & Rostosky, 2001).
Religious practices must however be translated in all other spheres of life – the way we discipline our children, the way we relate with people, the way we do business, the way we deal with personal problems and concerns, the way we relate to our spouses etc. Does the way we live stir questions in the young people around us; “Why are they like this? Why do they live in such a way? What or who is it that inspires them? Why are they in our midst? Such a witness is already a silent proclamation of the Good News and a very powerful and effective one. Here we have an initial act of evangelization.” (Evangelii Nuntiandi, 1975).
Develop a more consultative style of parenting or when dealing with young people. Involving them in everyday decision-making from television watching to hanging out with their peers, is very much also a trust and responsibility building activity. Inconsistency is to be expected but dealing with boundary violations and broken-promises in a caring, compassionate, and consistent way sends a message to them that they are not hopeless cases just because they may have acted badly. “Hate the sin but love the sinner.” Build hope rather than create despair. The parables of the Lost Sheep and the Prodigal Son have important lessons to teach us as parents.
Work on our own marriage. Divorce rates are on the rise. Depression and resentfulness often follow such an event. The Church doesn't recognize divorce and so the partners in a marriage irretrievably broken down make the home a battlefield of sorts with their children caught in between. If a legal separation happens, young people in these situations often grow up in an absent-father environment. This, together with economic concerns sets the stage for social problems such as school drop-outs, delinquency, alcohol and drug abuse, and unwed pregnancy (Duffy & Artwater, 2002).
In conclusion, while anyone who sins, young or old, must ultimately take cognizance and responsibility of his or her sin, and find a way back to God, there is a greater responsibility on our part as adults and elders in the Church to understand the nature of the sin in our young people and ask how we have contributed to them walking that path. How can we change, so that they too will be evangelised by our change.
(Mr. Gerard Louis is Director, Career sense@ HELP, Faculty of Behavioural Science, HELP University Kuala Lumpur)