Managing Life

Forgiveness- the key to healing

Catherine Ann Francis, Penang

There can be no healing without forgiveness of sin. God's power is demonstrated most wonderfully when a person experiences forgiveness at the precise area where he has been wounded and is then healed of his deepest hurts and memories . Many of us know and can preach about the kingdom of God but have not really experienced its healing power. We simply fail to transfer that knowledge from the head to the heart.

Any breakdown in a relationship, whether between ourselves and God, between ourselves and others, or whether we are battling with ourselves, can be attributed to our hurts and sin. These breaks can only be mended if we are willing to admit that we have been hurt and confess our sins. The alternative is to endure the illnesses and emotional pain that result from the trauma of broken relationships.

At the heart of all healing is forgiveness. Forgiveness of others is only possible because of God's forgiveness of us. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.'

A simple story here will illustrate the effect of God's forgiveness on us :

Aidan was shooting stones with a catapult but he could never hit his target. Suddenly, he spotted Ari, his mum's pet kitten, walking by. On impulse he took aim and let fly. Unfortunately, the stone hit Ari in the head and killed him. The boy panicked and quickly buried the kitten in the garden, only to look up and see his brother, Scott, watching.

After lunch that day, Mum told Scott to help with the dishes. Scott responded, “Aidan told me he wanted to help in the kitchen today. Didn't you, Aidan?” And he whispered to him, “Remember Ari!” So, Aidan did the dishes.

What choice did he have? For the next several weeks Aidan was kept busy with one chore after another. Sometimes they were his chores, sometimes they were Scott's. “Remember Ari!” Scott would whisper when he objected.

He became so exhausted that he decided that any punishment would be better than doing another chore. So he confessed to killing Ari. “I know, Aidan,” his mum said, giving him a hug. “I was standing at the window and saw the whole thing. Because I love you, I forgave you. I wondered how long you would let Scott make a slave out of you.”

Like Aidan, we are all being accused constantly by the devil of every sin in the book. And we have no defense against his accusations for we are all guilty as charged….unless of course we turn to Jesus, confess our sin, receive His forgiveness, and claim His blood as the price paid for our sentence, and hear the judge declare us “Not guilty!”

God totally forgives us when we turn in faith to Jesus. His blood washes away our sin, and from the moment we believe in Him, we stand forgiven, relieved of guilt, before a satisfied God, freeing Him to shower upon us His grace and love. Once we have claimed His forgiveness for ourselves, it is only right that in order to live with a clear conscience we too forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us. It must be emphasised that forgiveness is not an option for the Christian who is serious about his faith journey. When wrong has been done against another person we are either the offender or the offended. But whatever it is, the first move is always up to us.

In Matthew 5: 23-24 Jesus teaches us how to respond as His true followers when we have been in the wrong and offended someone. He says if we are coming to His Father in prayer and the Holy Spirit prompts us to realize that we have offended someone, we are to go (ideally personally – if not possible, at least by phone or letter) and confess both the wrong and our grief over the offense, and seek the forgiveness of the one we wounded. Then we are free to return to God in worship and prayer. God will honor our efforts if we humble ourselves and attempt to put things right. We are not to worry about how the other person will respond to us. Instead, we are to give the offended person time to recover and trust God to bring about a change in his or her heart.

If the offended person has died then you are to share your burden of guilt with someone whom you can trust, perhaps a close friend, your spouse, a counselor or your priest. Be specific and completely honest. Ask that person to pray with you and confess openly the wrong and the guilt of your soul and God will send you the relief you so desperately need.

Of course, we would naturally prefer to take the easy way out by dealing with God directly instead of going through the hassle and embarrassment of talking with the other person. However, we must remember that when we offend someone, we wound their souls. And Jesus did not say, “Just pray and I'll forgive you.” Instead, He said, “Stop praying until you have put things right.” That's the difficult part about forgiveness.

In Matthew 18:21-35 Jesus deals in depth with the right response we should have toward someone who has offended us. Firstly, He said that there should be no limit to our forgiveness. God calls us to show the same compassion towards others that He has demonstrated to us. In fact, in His parable, Jesus indicates that we are hypocrites if we refuse to forgive. That is because we have received maximum mercy from God so who are we to suddenly demand justice from others?

Furthermore, Jesus says God will personally allow those who refuse to forgive others to be tortured – to experience pain, agony and torment. All of us, at some time or other, have experienced the horrible consequences of unforgiveness - that terrible feeling of resentment that eats us up inside, the bitter taste of hate or envy in our heart. There is no escape from these feelings. We will be acutely aware of our separation from the other person and every time we think of them we can actually feel our insides being corroded by the acid of resentment and hate. I know one thing for sure – unforgiveness is not worth the misery it brings upon us. Forgive as we have been forgiven and the poison of all that bitterness will just gush out before God, and we will be healed and set free. King David experienced this healing. In Psalm 32: 5 he says, “Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' – and You forgave the guilt of my sin.” 

God forgives sin instantaneously, the moment we confess it, and the relief experienced can be quite dramatic and immediate. If we desire healing, then we not only need to confess our sin, but we also need to forgive those people and circumstances that have so grieved and wounded us. It is sometimes hard for us to admit that we have been sinned against. Even the seemingly petty sins can have an effect on our well-being. In fact, sin takes it's toll on us from the moment of our conception. Sometimes the memories that need healing go far back in time that we are no longer conscious of it because they are suppressed. But the heart does not forget. It stores our emotions, our feelings of anger, hatred, desire, joy and love, as well as our memories. It never forgets the outstanding debts, the ‘ unforgiven ' hurts or the unhealed memories. It is only the Holy Spirit who can put His finger on those painful memories and touch those areas of darkness that need forgiveness and healing so as to lift from us the burden of that memory that has so wounded us. Mere time does not cancel our sins. It is only by our repentance and the blood of Jesus that sin and guilt are lifted from both the past and the present.

If you find that it is impossible for you to forgive someone, go into prayer and you will receive power to forgive even your worst enemy. This enemy will often be your “beloved enemy” for it is those nearest to us who have the greatest power to wound and cripple us. When you forgive someone who has grievously sinned against you, it does not mean that the evildoer's sin is hereby remitted. It does mean, however, that your confession and your extension of forgiveness to the offender will break the power of that sin to continue to wound you and to shape your life.

We need to deeply acknowledge our human condition, that we too are sinners, that we too are capable of hurting others. If we do not find the grace to forgive, a coldness and hardness will settle into our hearts, and this will increasingly be reflected in our physical, mental and emotional state . But if in the midst of our ‘woundedness' and grief we cry out to God for the power to forgive, we will receive mercy and healing . Our hearts will be softened and we will go on to true victory over the world, the flesh and the devil.