What Kind Of Old Person Do You Want To Be?

Aging takes place the moment we are born. Today we are older than we were yesterday. The signs of old age are very apparent and can be quite a frightening experience. Your body and your memory begin to fail you and you find yourself becoming almost automatically resistant to new ways of thinking or doing things. You begin to constantly long for the good old days when the values and customs of your time were so much better. You find yourself becoming more of a spectator while the younger generation seems to take charge more and more of daily events. You realize that your generation has had its chance at success. Some of your peers have moved on to greatness, some have had to settle for average success while the rest are left to mourn the loss of their dreams and aspirations. Time seems to speed by while the scope of your world tends to get smaller. It seems harder to suppress your negative feelings, irritations and fears and life ceases to be fun anymore.

So, granted that aging is a process we cannot avoid, a good question to ask ourselves is what kind of old person do you want to be? This question has nothing to do with where you want to live in your old age or how you are going to manage financially in your golden years. Instead, it has to do with your character, personality and lifestyle as an old person. Sooner or later we all have to decide what we are going to be and our decision will be reflected in our lifestyle. As human beings, we are capable of violence, destruction, and selfish behaviour. But we are also capable of manifesting sacrificial love and the will to serve and mature in the appreciation of all that is good, beautiful and true.

M any people do not look forward to their senior years and many assume that younger people would not want to associate with them. Some people tend to become self-centered as they age and they take very little interest in the lives and thoughts of others. Some become impatient with young people and find nothing good in the ideas and achievements of youths. Some turn out to be mean and irritable, constantly complaining and criticizing. But we also know of many old people who are so pleasant to have around because they display a quality of life that manifests the love of God and their character is at its best in their last years. You find young people enjoying their company and they are a joy and a blessing to all who come in contact with them.

In his book, Something Beautiful For God, Malcolm Muggeridge wrote of the aging Mother Teresa : “I never met anyone more memorable. Just meeting her for a fleeting moment makes as effaceable impression. Something of God's universal love has rubbed off on Mother Teresa, giving her homely features a noticeable luminosity; a shining quality. She has lived so closely with her Lord that the same enchantment clings about her that sent the crowds chasing after him in Jerusalem and Galilee , and made His presence seem a harbinger of healing.”

What Qualities Should We Develop In Order To Age Well?

Gratitude

One of the first things to go as a person loses his vitality is gratitude As a person ages, gratitude is often replaced by a sense of entitlement and grudging demands. The spirit of thankfulness does not come naturally for most of us and is something that must be worked at. In order to develop the gift of gratitude, we must have a sharp eye to notice the things that are easily overlooked. There are old people I know who never stop saying ‘thank you' – to God for good health and for new opportunities, to their spouses for their love, to their friends for their encouragement and companionship, to the younger people who come to their service. Their conversations and their response to events are all marked by appreciation. They are quick to recognize what anyone does for them and they immediately let people know that they appreciate their thoughtful deeds.

Take An Interest In the Accomplishments Of The Younger Generation

The old should be enthusiastic about the achievements of younger people and express their approval of them. This is no easy task because there is always the tendency for older people to become jealous of or to discount the abilities of the youths. Almost involuntarily the thought may come, “Why couldn't I have done that?” as the older person is reminded once again that leadership and initiative are passing on to a new generation. Old people must learn to come to terms with this reality and should bear no resentment towards those who are younger. Instead they should commit themselves to helping the younger ones to achieve success whenever possible.

Feed Your Minds Constantly

Older people should not stop thinking or grasping new ideas. They should enjoy learning new things and should keep their minds sharp and agile by reading widely and watching programmes over the television. By doing this they will gain valuable knowledge about current events, history and the modern technologies of our time and will be able to have and express their own convictions and opinions. Have a world-view of today, not yesterday and learn to make change your friend, not your enemy.

Never Retire

Once you retire, you will become bored instantly. You may turn down a job, but never retire. Your mission begins with the idea of giving and not receiving. You must realise that your life and vitality add value to the generations. Your focus of work should simply switch from one that generates an income to one that generates value by being of service to others, to the environment and to society.

Elisabeth Elliot wrote how an old Scottish lady, Mrs. Katharine Cunningham, reached out to her by inviting her over for tea when she was feeling lonely and displaced in her new surroundings in Alberta: “Many were the wintry afternoons when I availed myself of her gracious offer and we sat together in her tiny but very cozy basement apartment while she poured tea for me and I poured my soul out to her. Her radiant face was full of sympathy, love and understanding as she listened. She would be quiet for a little, then she would pray and, looking up, cheer and strengthen me with words from God… My dear Mom Cunningham schooled me – not in a class or seminar, or even primarily by her words. It was what she was that taught me. It was her availability to God when He sent her to my door. It was the surrender of her time, an offering to Him for my sake. It was her readiness to ‘get involved; to lay down her life for one anxious Bible school girl. Above all, she herself, a simple Scottish woman, was the message.”

Use the gifts that you have developed over the years and the experience that you have gained to serve others. Be a source of wisdom to the young and provide them with advice and guidance as they begin to walk the path that you have trod.

Be Tender And Compassionate

My parents are different today as grandparents than they were as parents. They are more easy going with their grandchildren and are less harsh when it comes to discipline. Very often, they speak up in defense of their grandchildren against the parents. Most grandparents are like that, I guess. Parents are preoccupied with their child's upbringing and are constantly making sure that things are done exactly right and that nothing goes wrong in the child's life. But grandparents are another story! They are kind, patient and gracious probably because they have come to understand over the years that there are more important things to life than perfection and deadlines.

Love Your Spouse Dearly

Old people who are married should delight in their marriage. There is something beautiful in observing an old couple reaching out to touch one another with tender affection, or speaking in endearing terms to one another whenever they converse. Old couples should never stop caring for each other's growth, care and comfort, and quality of life. They should share an active spiritual journey with one another, discuss important decisions and have fun together. They should speak in noble tones of one another, and heap praise and appreciation upon the one with whom they have walked through the greater part of life. All this just does not happen overnight. It is a habit of relationship that begins at the start of marriage and it makes the later years the softest and best. If you are going to love each other in your old age, then you must never be blind to each other's sensitivities. You have got to be just as careful not to hurt each other in your old age as you were in your youth.

Do Not Try To Hold On To Institutional Power

We focus a great deal of energy during most of lives with the issues of power and control. We all have a little of both. But perhaps one of the most painful aspects of the aging process for many men and women is the reality that power and control are likely to be lost. The later years in life are marked by physical and psychological diminishment. People respond to this experience in a variety of ways. Some become embittered or withdrawn. Some adopt a lonely way of life, doing little or nothing to encourage relationships. They cannot bear the loss of the control they once had over their bodies, the loneliness of being cut off from long-held ties, the feeling of being left out, their loss of power in their work and their organizations (including the church).

On the other hand, there are those who believe that even in the midst of new limitations, there is the possibility of a quality of life well worth experiencing. Most of us probably know persons in their 80's and 90's who wake up in the morning anticipating what the new day may bring. Some become increasingly aware of another kind of power – the power of intercession with God and the power of wisdom. Many of them dignify their later years savoring treasured memories, finding joy in reflecting on their life journey, experiencing intrinsic values such as reading, contemplating nature, keeping up with world events, reaching out to others through notes and calls, engaging in volunteer work and in learning opportunities. Norman Cousins said that death is not the greatest tragedy which can befall a person; rather, the tragedy is in what dies in a person while he or she is alive.

When Jesus was brought into the temple, Simeon, an old man, was able to sense immediately that this baby was unique. When he took the infant Jesus into his arms and blessed Him, from the depths of his being he discerned truths about this baby that no one else could perceive. He foresaw and affirmed Jesus' mission and the reactions of the people. It took an old man, filled with the Holy Spirit, to see and identify what the rest of the world in its pursuit of power, was too preoccupied to see and respond to.

Be like Simeon. Allow God to use you for others. Step aside and let the younger ones run programs and organizations. You don't have to be the leader all the time. You no longer have to compete. When you grow old, you will fully understand the biblical words, “Without Me you can do nothing.” And you will have no need to fight this truth. You can smile as you watch younger men and women straining hard to build power bases, control people, structures and money, and speak out of such smartness. You would have learned that this is not where it's at. So you will gladly relinquish these things to the younger people while you relax in the value of quiet, unbroken connection with God.

Don't Be Afraid Of Death

Death often appears to be the great enemy. To lose a loved one and to face the inevitability of one's own death are often very difficult. People sometimes resort of denial and evasion in relation to dying and death. Yet the fact remains that good aging involves weaving death into the fabric of one's life.

Good aging involves recognizing that every mature person has the opportunity, as well as the need, to decide what his/her attitude toward death will be. Doris Havice expressed her decision in these words: “There are three responses which mortals can make in regard to death: to deny it, to accept it as an unpleasant but inevitable fact, or to affirm it not only as inevitable, but also as a valid and joyous part of the natural process of which birth, living and death are equally important. I favour the third position.”

St. Paul understandably admitted to experiencing a conflict when he spoke of his impending death in Phil. 1:21-24 : “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.”

Grow old with me

The best is yet to be

The last of life for which the first was made

The times are in His hand

Who saith, ‘A whole I planned

Youth shows but half…trust God, see all

Nor be afraid.'

Many would disagree with the claim of Robert Browning that the last of life is the best part of life. But Christianity offers a vision of the life cycle as ordained by God, inviting persons to a sense of sanctity in existence and reverence for life. Through all the chapters of life, we are linked with God. The scriptures affirm that ‘Nothing shall separate us from the love of God.' Aging is considered in a complete life and death cycle perspective and good aging includes the affirmation of life expressed by Robert Browning: “Let me taste the whole of it.”

We are surrounded by old people. Look around you and take some time to notice them. Notice their countenance, their behaviour, their character, the way they relate with others, their temperament, their lifestyle. What attracts you to any particular elderly person? What repels you? Then decide for yourself while there's still time : what kind of old person do you want to be?